passions

Finding “suitable”

In my HR classes, I remind students that while recruitment means “finding the best candidates and encouraging them to apply for a job in your company,” selection has to be about “choosing–not the best applicant–but the most SUITABLE.” Why? The candidate who graduated with honors from a prestigious university may not even like the job or the organizational culture enough to stay. One poor hiring decision can cost the company an amount equivalent to 30% of an employee’s first-year earnings (Hacker 1997). What if you had to make a hundred poor choices? Are you willing to take that much risk?

Enough with the corporate talk. I know that’s not what you came here for. Still reeling from the aftershock of the Love Month activities, I have found that many young people, students especially, are so consumed by the idea that “Yes, I want to wait for God’s Best, but how do I know it’s him/her when I finally meet him/her?”

I wish so badly to be able to give them a precise answer, but well, I don’t have the authority to say, “He/She will be wearing a purple halo, and the moment you two meet, the halo will start flashing wildly, and the sky will open up to reveal the words ‘This is he/she.'”

As a single Christian woman, I have learned that a choice between someone who shares my love for God and someone who doesn’t should be an easy one. However, if you had to be shipwrecked into an island inhabited only by single Christian men, all having the same degree of passion for God (Sister, I know what you’re thinking. I have no idea where that place is. Or if such place exists. LOL), finding suitable would be equivalent to this: looking NOT for a needle in a haystack, but for that one special strand of hay in the haystack.

Sorry to disappoint, but really, I DON’T KNOW. What I do know is this: If you’re looking for just “someone,” you’ll get “anyone.”  Don’t go around looking for a husband like you’re shopping for a dress, saying, “I’ll know him when I see him.” Probably, if you had asked me about how I would know who God’s Best is for me, I’d be better-qualified to answer, because then, it would go back to my standards, which are just between me and God. Not even my best-est friends know. If you are a Kapamilya who’s into watching  Walang Hanggan, then maybe you can relate. (Remember when Katarina divulged the “signs” that she was looking for to Yaya Pearl, and Nathan fulfilled all these… without her knowing that her brother Tomas had overheard and communicated all these to Nathan?) What’s the point of setting standards when you’re leaving even a slight chance for someone (or even yourself) to manipulate these in order to accommodate someone who’s not right for you? Please don’t get me wrong. People dear to us mean well, and usually they’re the ones who worry too much about our being single (especially for us women) that they want to set us up with someone who they think is right for us, but sometimes, they’re not helping at all.

The Bible says,

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

Women, note that it says that we are wired to be “a helper suitable for him.” I’ve recently learned that its original Hebrew expression is ezer kenego, and the phrase “suitable for him” is neged, which literally translates to “answering to him.” As “a helper answering to” God’s Best For You, you are “suitable” when you complement–and are accountable to–each other. You balance and help each other out when your strong points can fill in the areas that he’s weak at, and vice versa.

I remember a preaching from T.D. Jakes wherein he said, “You shouldn’t say ‘I do’ when you don’t even know who ‘I’ is.” I believe this 101%. Some women rush into relationships, because they don’t want to be alone with themselves. Instead of fixating on “who God’s Best is” and “when he will show up,” why don’t we date ourselves first and find out, “Do I like ‘me’?”

More importantly, the surest way of finding Suitable is deepening the intimacy and closeness between yourself and God. After all, when we say “God’s Best,” it’s like when you listen to a playlist of your favorite band’s songs, point to one particular track, and say, “Ah, this is their best.” You know it’s their best, because you know the band so well, you know all the songs’ lyrics by heart. Don’t focus too much on your reward, but on the Rewarder. The deeper your relationship is with Him, the more sensitive you become to his voice when He finally says, “Daughter, siya na (it IS he).”

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