One of the things I love the most about teaching at the university is that I am mentoring young minds at the most critical and vulnerable period in their life. (Of course, I’m psyched about summer breaks, but that’s another story.) College kids are so open and so trusting that I end up being privy to certain issues that I’d really rather not know about. Unfortunately, when I said that they can come to me for advice (I meant in terms of career decisions), they took it to heart. (No pun here.) Surprisingly, the teacher became the learner…
- Apparently, the status logo is the new “He loves me, he loves me not…” I’ve learned that if you’re not quite sure how a “special friend” feels about you, try signing in as “invisible.” Take note: Not “offline”– INVISIBLE. Then, if he’s “online,” give it a couple of minutes before changing your status to “online.” If he immediately switches to “busy” and sends you a message, you should feel like you just got exempted from taking the finals. Now, if he changes to “away,” that’s not a good sign. If he disappears, that’s even worse. That’s the last petal falling at “…he loves me not.”
- Offline 101 – The Role of the “Call” Button in Modern Romance. By the end of this course, the student should be able to determine whether the “special friend” is really offline or just in hiding, in which case the student should be able to explain why it is unwise to pursue the one-sided pseudo-relationship. I’m tempted to write an entire course outline, but it’s almost 11:oo P.M., and I’ve got a report to write up. As a result, here’s How to Know He’s Absolutely Not Into You–in a nutshell:
- Send a message first. Do you see a spiral going ’round and round right next to the time the message was sent? Good. That means he’s really offline, which still doesn’t mean he likes you as much as you like him. It just means that at least, he’s not chatting up some other girl and is just hiding from you, in particular. That should make you feel like you passed the mid-terms, but you know the more complex theories will be covered in the finals. Simply put: You’re hanging by a thread.
- No spiral? Call. Go ahead, you’re already being foolish anyway, so what’s another act, right? Hit the “call” button, and see what happens. Does your call get dropped immediately? Followed by the message “Call Failed.” That’s actually good news! He’s not online. Does it ring? Bummer, girl, you just got dropped from the roster.
Drat! Why didn’t they teach us these in college? Yeah, yeah, when I was in college, the cool kids were wearing bright-colored Jaz pagers as fashion accessories. And the 3210 was the iPad. There, I had just dated myself. I think I’ll go back inside my time capsule now. Good night!