illusions

The Boy Who Got Away

I had an encounter with someone from my past. Now that I’ve thought about it, I realized that I had mislabeled this entry. It should have been The Boy Who Never Was… Seems like I can’t get anything right today. But then, this is just a slight mistake. I made something greater.

Judging by the look in your eyes and the quality of your words, I know that you are happy. NOW. I know that I’ve told my friends so many times already that I don’t regret any decision I make, because even if I make the wrong one, I still get to learn from it. But for now, allow me the satisfaction of wallowing in this one regret. After the long years and the entanglements I’d been, I never thought that one day I’d be fazed by your presence. Once more.

I can’t help feeling sorry, not only for myself, but for the fact that I masked myself and denied feelings for you so well. I’m not sorry that we were never together. I’m sorry because we were never together when WE DID HAVE that chance. To salvage my pride, I put yours on the line. I’m also sorry for that.

Honestly, I never thought of you all this time. Not until today, when I was suddenly made aware of your existence. For the first time in quite so long, I feel that I deserve what I’m getting. And while I believe that people deserve second chances, I’d probably have MY SECOND CHANCE WITH YOU ONLY IF YOU DECIDE TO SHOW UP IN MY NEXT LIFE.

Ghost *indigo girls*
There’s a letter on the desktop
That I dug out of a drawer
The last truce we ever came to
From our adolescent war
And I start to feel the fever
From the warm air through the screen
You come regular like seasons
Shadowing my dreams

And the mississippi’s mighty
But it starts in minnesota
At a place that you could walk across
With five steps down
And I guess that’s how you started
Like a pinprick to my heart
But at this point you rush right through me
And I start to drown

And there’s not enough room
In this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost
And time passed makes it plain
Of all my demon spirits
I need you the most
I’m in love with your ghost
I’m in love with your ghost

Dark and dangerous like a secret
That gets whispered in a hush
(don’t tell a soul)
When I wake the things I dreamt about you
Last night make me blush
(don’t tell a soul)
When you kiss me like a lover
Then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river
Play your memory like the piper

And I feel it like a sickness
How this love is killing me
But I’d walk into the fingers
Of your fire willingly
And dance the edge of sanity
I’ve never been this close
I’m in love with your ghost

Unknowing captor
You’ll never know how much you
Pierce my spirit
But I can’t touch you
Can you hear it
A cry to be free
Oh I’m forever under lock and key
As you pass through me

Now I see your face before me
I would launch a thousand ships
To bring your heart back to my island
As the sand beneath me slips
As I burn up in your presence
And I know now how it feels
To be weakened like achilles
With you always at my heels

And this bitter pill to swallow
Is the silence that I keep
It poisons me I can’t swim free
The river is too deep
Though I’m baptized by your touch
I am no worse than most
In love with your ghost

You are shadowing my dreams
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)

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