psychobabble

That Kind of Girl


I’m the kind of girl who carries one of those microwaveable takeout containers in her bag filled with kibbles–yep, the dry dog food variety, because I like to feed strays.

kawkaw

Say hello to Kawkaw, my first rescue pup

I’m the kind of girl who would actually spend half an hour prying an errant house lizard off a rat glue pad, dousing the reptile with cooking oil as a final rite of freedom.

I realize that in most of my lifetime, especially these recent years, I have been kind to animals but cruel to myself.

I have been a pushover.

While most of my family will disagree, my eldest sister especially, I am actually a pushover. Though I agree that I probably am the most opinionated of the lot, I have actually done myself a great disservice by allowing all types of obligations–corporate, family, and otherwise–to subjugate my personal dreams and aspirations.

Animals, stray dogs especially, have earned a special place in my heart, because they are desperately in need, and when you fill that need, they’re grateful. They don’t have any other agenda and power to return the favor, and for that reason, showing them kindness becomes a noble act in that you don’t get anything in return. No flattery and accolades. The work is unheralded yet rewarding.

It’s different with people. There’s always a hidden motive behind every action. They suck you dry. Somehow, it has dawned on me that while I am the kind of girl who wants to help out in whatever way she can, I also want to be that kind of girl who shows kindness to herself.

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illusions, passions

Coming Full Circle


It’s 2017. It’s been 12 years since I started this blog and 4 years after I took a leave. Though the hiatus was long, I want to come clean by saying that  I didn’t really stop blogging. Within the last four years, I have created numerous blogs dabbling in fashion, relationships, dream projects, prose and poetry, and even Internet memes all in an attempt to find my own special place under the sun.

I took to the books and did what I was told–find your niche. The books say further that to do so, I must have an attractive platform with an engaging interface, and though I must say that I have managed some visually appealing blogs, none of them was met with success.

expectation

In hindsight, I must admit that I wrote for the wrong reasons. What topics are trending? Will my post meet SEO requirements? I posted lengthy content, but my heart was not in it.

Cyril Conolly was right when he said, “It is better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self.”

And so I’m back where I started. If you ever stumble across this blog and are diligent enough to scour through 12 years’ worth of post, forgive me for inconsistencies. Old posts are all in the past now, and just like the people who write them, ideas and opinion change although a part of their hearts remain the same.

I’m done meeting expectations. I’m tired of bending backwards to please an audience. Now I’m just writing for myself.

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Uncategorized

No explanation necessary


Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23)
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. (Ephesians 6:11)

My blog, gonegaga in the city, like my other blogs, will be on indefinite leave effective, uh, today.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. ~ 1 Peter 3:3-4, ESV

To my writer friends, I give you full assurance that I am not stopping from writing. This is just a season in which it’s extremely crucial to have something special and sacred left to guard and protect. For God and for my husband-to-be. Until then!

“To unveil our hearts and put all our secrets on display is to open ourselves to enemy attack. Our Lord is pleased when we reserve an “inner vault” of our lives to hold His treasures.  To “tell it all is to traffic in a world of superficiality.” ~ Chuck Swindoll, Living Beyond The Daily Grind

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illusions, passions

gonegaga is STILL in the city


Photo credit: godsgracefulness.com

I thought that in the next couple of months, I would have to create a new blog with the address gonegagainanothercity.wordpress.com. So when I finally got the much-awaited news last Saturday, my heart should have fallen. It should have been broken from the fall. None of this happened at all, and it’s God’s grace I must give this credit to.

I am still. I am still standing.

… stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:58

I’ve felt the tugging and the stretching within my heart within the last month before the final result of my application was out, but I had purposely pushed it aside, not wanting any “double-mindedness” as I stepped out in faith. Receiving the news was sad and disappointing, of course, because I really invested emotionally and spiritually in that dream. However, I was amazed that my reaction was only to shrug my shoulder twice and smiled (I videotaped it, in case you were wondering) even though it was a door closing. Right now, I still don’t understand it. God had placed that desire in me. I committed my plan to the Lord. I believed. I obeyed. I persevered. But you see, things don’t have to make sense. God is sovereign, and I choose to put my trust in Him alone. Was it a door closed for a season, and I just acted on my faith in the wrong time? Was it a door closed, and God’s telling me “I’m taking you there through a different door”? I DON’T KNOW. And there’s peace in knowing that I DON”T HAVE TO KNOW. As long as it’s God closing the door. If I had understood everything, then believing will not be an act of faith but just an investment. Because walking with the Lord requires faith… trust… and courage especially when God doesn’t make sense.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

So, looks like you’re stuck with me for a while, Roxas City. 🙂

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passions

I have built my ark


“For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land–a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills.” ~ Deuteronomy 8:7

In early January, I listened to a message by Bishop TD Jakes called “This is Your Year to See The Vision.” I was encouraged by what he said: What you visualize will materialize in this season.
I have grown more intimate with God in the last couple of months, and I’m gradually beginning to understand what it means when they say that sometimes, you need to have the faith of a fool: to speak of rain in a season of drought, to talk about abundance in a period of lack, and to build an ark when the idea of flooding was still unheard of.
I built my ark six months ago, and in the last 40 days, have been floating  over the sea of decision-making, hoping, needing, and at times (more times than I’m prepared to admit), even confusion and doubt. Like Noah, I am now down to seven days, awaiting my dove with a freshly plucked olive leaf, or more aptly, a hibiscus flower in its beak.
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passions

Finding “suitable”


In my HR classes, I remind students that while recruitment means “finding the best candidates and encouraging them to apply for a job in your company,” selection has to be about “choosing–not the best applicant–but the most SUITABLE.” Why? The candidate who graduated with honors from a prestigious university may not even like the job or the organizational culture enough to stay. One poor hiring decision can cost the company an amount equivalent to 30% of an employee’s first-year earnings (Hacker 1997). What if you had to make a hundred poor choices? Are you willing to take that much risk?

Enough with the corporate talk. I know that’s not what you came here for. Still reeling from the aftershock of the Love Month activities, I have found that many young people, students especially, are so consumed by the idea that “Yes, I want to wait for God’s Best, but how do I know it’s him/her when I finally meet him/her?”

I wish so badly to be able to give them a precise answer, but well, I don’t have the authority to say, “He/She will be wearing a purple halo, and the moment you two meet, the halo will start flashing wildly, and the sky will open up to reveal the words ‘This is he/she.'”

As a single Christian woman, I have learned that a choice between someone who shares my love for God and someone who doesn’t should be an easy one. However, if you had to be shipwrecked into an island inhabited only by single Christian men, all having the same degree of passion for God (Sister, I know what you’re thinking. I have no idea where that place is. Or if such place exists. LOL), finding suitable would be equivalent to this: looking NOT for a needle in a haystack, but for that one special strand of hay in the haystack.

Sorry to disappoint, but really, I DON’T KNOW. What I do know is this: If you’re looking for just “someone,” you’ll get “anyone.”  Don’t go around looking for a husband like you’re shopping for a dress, saying, “I’ll know him when I see him.” Probably, if you had asked me about how I would know who God’s Best is for me, I’d be better-qualified to answer, because then, it would go back to my standards, which are just between me and God. Not even my best-est friends know. If you are a Kapamilya who’s into watching  Walang Hanggan, then maybe you can relate. (Remember when Katarina divulged the “signs” that she was looking for to Yaya Pearl, and Nathan fulfilled all these… without her knowing that her brother Tomas had overheard and communicated all these to Nathan?) What’s the point of setting standards when you’re leaving even a slight chance for someone (or even yourself) to manipulate these in order to accommodate someone who’s not right for you? Please don’t get me wrong. People dear to us mean well, and usually they’re the ones who worry too much about our being single (especially for us women) that they want to set us up with someone who they think is right for us, but sometimes, they’re not helping at all.

The Bible says,

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

Women, note that it says that we are wired to be “a helper suitable for him.” I’ve recently learned that its original Hebrew expression is ezer kenego, and the phrase “suitable for him” is neged, which literally translates to “answering to him.” As “a helper answering to” God’s Best For You, you are “suitable” when you complement–and are accountable to–each other. You balance and help each other out when your strong points can fill in the areas that he’s weak at, and vice versa.

I remember a preaching from T.D. Jakes wherein he said, “You shouldn’t say ‘I do’ when you don’t even know who ‘I’ is.” I believe this 101%. Some women rush into relationships, because they don’t want to be alone with themselves. Instead of fixating on “who God’s Best is” and “when he will show up,” why don’t we date ourselves first and find out, “Do I like ‘me’?”

More importantly, the surest way of finding Suitable is deepening the intimacy and closeness between yourself and God. After all, when we say “God’s Best,” it’s like when you listen to a playlist of your favorite band’s songs, point to one particular track, and say, “Ah, this is their best.” You know it’s their best, because you know the band so well, you know all the songs’ lyrics by heart. Don’t focus too much on your reward, but on the Rewarder. The deeper your relationship is with Him, the more sensitive you become to his voice when He finally says, “Daughter, siya na (it IS he).”

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